Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Posted on December 27, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

AKA. Seven reasons for why I loved the seventh Star Wars movie.

I realised quickly on when planning this review that it would turn into a list of why I liked it so much so I thought, for what will probably be my last review of the year, to write that list. I acknowledge that it is not the perfect film, and I’m sure there are enough valid (the narrative near enough a replication of ‘A New Hope’) or invalid (*ahem that Rey is Mary Sue bollocks*) reasons to dislike it or be disappointed by it. But I liked it and this is my blog so…deal with it! WARNING: There will be spoilers. Ready? Now let’s head off to a long time ago in a galaxy far far away…

1) Rey

The character of Rey (Daisy Ridley) is a natural progression from Princess Leia. Though Carrie Fisher’s character was way ahead of the times upon her first introduction in 1977’s ‘A New Hope’, with her fierce wit and her fearlessness, she is frequently away from the main action. Rey is for the most part where the action actually is within ‘The Force Awakens’. Established as having been abandoned by her family and left to fend for herself on the harsh landscape of Jakku, Rey is clearly independent and able to handle herself. When attacked by scavengers who are after BB-8 she fights two off successfully on her own. Finn comes to her rescue but is not needed or wanted – his then insistence on grabbing her hand when running away is instantly rebuffed. She sees no reason for it. With that small gesture JJ. Abrams sets Rey up as a female character we rarely see in Science Fiction – one who can handle herself and fight her own battles. From thereon Rey’s characterisation further develops her awesomeness and potential power which is a total joy to watch.

2) Kylo Ren

Since first appearing in the trailer with *that* lightsaber the possible/probable villain of the new trilogy has been the focus of much speculation. Adam Driver gives the man behind the mask the right balance of vulnerability and power. The revelations of his origins add not reduce this capacity, leading to pondering about how much he will take after his grandfather. His fiery temper along with his unconventional charisma make him everything that Anakin Skywalker should have been. He has also led to one of the 2015 funniest twitter accounts, with a teenage Emo Kylo Ren sharing his frustrations with the world…

3) Chewbacca

Of all of the seven (and counting) Star Wars films, this might be Chewbacca’s best outing yet. The source of many of the (unexpectedly) funny film’s gags he is given more to do than just be Han Solo’s sidekick. And if your heart did not break at his reaction to a certain someone’s demise then you have a heart of stone!

4) Finn and Poe

Along with Rey, Finn and Poe are excellent additions to the franchise. Individually they are great characters – a pilot so legendary he makes it into *those* opening credits and a stormtrooper whose PTSD leads him away from the darkside – but it their bromance which is currently breaking the internet. Their bromance will be undoubtedly be shipped by many worldwide and provide a focus for much fan-fiction. There is an instant rapport between the pair, their introduction, separation and eventual reunion are glorious to watch. Though they shared relatively little screen-time we are provided with more than enough to hint their pairing will provide much joy in forthcoming movies.

5) Leia and Han Solo

J.J Abrams is hugely successful in achieving a balance between old Star Wars and new Star Wars. The roles Leia and Han Solo play in the events of ‘The Force Awakens’ is no exception. Han’s ‘Chewie, we’re home now’ is air-punch worthy, as is his roguish arrogant charm when handling the mercenaries. But it’s his brief reunion then parting with Leia that really tugs at the heart strings. Who knows what fate awaits this coupling considering the jaw-dropping fate of one of the pair..?

6) BB-8

Going into ‘The Force Awakens’ it is unlikely you were looking for a new droid to love but if you were, this would be the droid you were looking for. Just like R2-D2 BB-8 communicates with a series of beeps which are then translated by on-screen characters, but those beeps along with his manerisums communicate so much with so little. Favourite moment has to be when John Boyega’s Finn gives BB-8 a thumbs up, to which our spherical droid responds with a flame that resembles a less than polite gesture.

7) Maz Kanta

Maz is a worthy wise and wizened successor to Yoda. The hints to her wide and varied knowledge will undoubtedly be furthered in future films, but for now there is more than enough to mark her out as a character to watch out for. Her bespeckled gaze in terms of ability to induce inner truth is only equalled by ‘Harry Potter’s Professor Trelawney.

What truly worked about this film, along with the seven points above, are the amount of questions carefully raised and left unanswered. J.J Abrams used the familiar narrative of ‘A New Hope’ to both introduce the new and pay tribute to the old. But to truly succeed with this franchise it will have to step out of the mould and not rehash ‘Empire Strikes Back’.

Though next year brings another Star Wars movie, ‘Rogue One’ starring Felicity Jones, it’ll be two years till we return these characters. I for one cannot wait!

In The Heart Of The Sea

Posted on December 20, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

The mostly true story behind Herman Merville’s Moby Dick

For the next couple of weeks Star Wars: The Force Awakens will be dominating the cinemas. As a consequence the box office of many other films will take a hit, particularly those who have an audience that will overlap with it. This film is unlikely to be an exception. Though it is entertaining enough it is also remarkably old-fashioned, solid yet ultimately uninspiring.

Herman Merville (Ben Whishaw), having travelled a long distance, knocks on the door of Innkeeper Thomas Nickerson (Brendan Gleeson). Thomas is renowned as being the last survivor of the the last voyage of the Whaleship’ Essex’. Herman offers Thomas a large amount of money for the story, having heard rumours that it involves a monstrous whale. Thomas takes much persuading, by both Herman and his own wife (Michelle Fairley). The story goes back thirty years, to when a then 14-year-old Thomas signed on as a cabin boy for the ‘Essex’, a ship owned by a greedy whaling company who had refitted the ship to participate in the lucrative whaling trade. Experienced whaler Owen Chase (Chris Hemsworth), who worked his way up in the industry, had been promised a promotion on the ‘Essex’ is informed that if he does this one last job as first mate he will finally get that promotion. Instead the role of captain goes to George Pollard (Benjamin Walker). Though his family have much experience in whaling, he does not. He has much theory but this is his first time of putting it into practice. Owen and George immediately clash as soon as the ‘Essex’ sets sail, with Matthew Joy (Cillian Murphy) playing intermediary. Months drag on and with little sign of whales they decide to go further out, to a place renowned for it’s countless whale occupants. It is also infamous as being dangerous, a land haunted by a monster whale. But plagued by greed and a desperate want to return home and end this horrific voyage. It’s the first time that Owen and George agree on something. It could also be their last as they soon discover, with deadly consequences, the monster whale is real.

Sometimes the phrase ‘they don’t make them like they used to’ has positive connotations, indicating a degree of regret at how few films are as good as the one just seen. Otherwise the phrase is uttered with a degree of relief or surprise, that films like this don’t get made very often any more. The later interpretation is the one that is most accurate here. When watching it was hard not to bite back a smile at just how old-fashioned and almost dated certain elements were. We have the greedy corporation which happens to be led by Donald Sumpter, who is recognisable for playing characters with questionable ethics. The young boy being mentored by a heroic older figure, the fact he is an orphan means the older man becomes a surrogate father. George Pollard, whose family is historic and renowned for their role in the establishment of a whaling industry, is portrayed as a man born with a silver spoon in his mouth and a stick up his bum. Obviously because he is a foil to our hero, and was born into wealth and the role means he had to be portrayed with minimal sympathy and maximum arrogance… The examples are endless.

Primarily it is the characterisation of Owen Chase, played by Chris Hemsworth, that really stood out in this regard. (The fact he was played by a Hemsworth would have meant that he snared my interest no matter what…) Hemsworth’s portrayal of Owen is in that grey area of admiral attempt at convention into pastiche. Through lighting, framing, costume and positioning alone he is established as a Byronic hero. In fact it is almost surprising that each time the camera focuses upon him angelic music and a halo of light does not appear. Owen Chase is liked by all, known to be a ‘good man’. He is loyal to his friends, adored and admired by all, yet quick to anger and driven by personal gain. Though Hemsworth is a fine actor, his character he has so much effort placed into being admirable that Owen Chase ends up being rather hackneyed.

Aside from this, the narrative is engaging enough. The appearances of the whale are filled with enough tension to entertain. The effects, camerawork and performances are relatively impressive; as is the irony that surrounds the whole affair. The message of In The Heart Of The Sea and of Moby Dick is of greed and obsession.This film was due to be released nine months earlier, in March of this year, but was delayed as it was wanted to be released during Oscar-season and therefore be entered into the awards race. Instead of releasing it during a down-time of cinema, when it would probably had a solid audience and box office takings, it will be released little over a week after the juggernaut that is Star Wars. Not only will The Heart of the Sea lose out on possible turnover, but it’s just not good enough for awards season. Perhaps it will win some for cinematography, sound or special effects, but there is little here that deserves anything more than that. Deciding to chase the metaphoric monstrous whale could prove fatal for this film.

Though mostly entertaining it strays too often to predictability. It’s also too vanilla to decide what genre it wants to be, if it had stuck to horror and developed the tone in that way then it would have been far more memorable that the bland romp that is presented instead.

Grandma

Posted on December 13, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

A cinematic gem

This film is a total and utter joy to watch. So few films manage to have a plot that is so well-rounded and immersive with characters with such real depth. The fact this film is only (!) 78 minutes makes it even more magnificent – it’s not bloated nor is it lean. In fact, to an extent, the film feels far long in a good way. It feels as if you actually know these characters. They almost feel like friends.

Elle Reid (Lily Tomlin) is a sometime poet and sometime academic. 18 months ago her partner of 38 years died after a long illness. Three months into a new relationship she breaks up with girlfriend Olivia (Judy Greer). In front of Olivia she appears to not care about her soon-to-be ex-lover, even proclaiming her to be a ‘footnote’ in comparison to her dead love. Soon after Elle’s granddaughter Sage (Julia Garner) arrives and needs her grandmothers help. Sage is pregnant and has an abortion booked for 5pm that day, but she doesn’t have the $630 to pay for it. Elle doesn’t have that money to spare, all she has is $48 after paying of medical costs and other debts. She even cut-up all her credits cards as a symbol of a new start. Both Sage is too scared to ask her mother for help, a fear Elle shares. So the two go on a road trip to get both the money they need and to come to terms with their recent troubles.

There are not enough films like this being made at the moment. It’s witty and intelligent, heart-warming and emotional, compelling and laugh-out-loud funny. As we are in the middle of Oscar season it’s not surprising this film has had a degree of Oscar-buzz, but it’s been quiet compared to that surrounding other films that could be regarded as Oscar bait. The prospect of a Grandma and her Granddaughter road movie may not sound massively appealing but there is so much more to it. The relationship between the pair is so well portrayed by both actresses.

Tomlin creates a character who does not have all the answers but will still insist on answering back, who is quick to get angry and can be bitter with her words. But her performance as Elle is also feisty, funny and full of vitality. She swears, she’s got tattoos, she attacks a dead-beat boyfriend but with her performance and a finely-written script she creates a truly appealing character. We laugh with her not at her. The love she has for her granddaughter is unquestionable and fully justifies her actions.

Garner’s Sage is so carefully handled. A pregnant teen nowadays is a regular focus for reality tv, but Sage is very different from the ‘stars’ of those shows. Instead she is a girl who is looking for love, who is grieving for her dead Grandma and watching the alive one struggle with grief. Sage is immensely endearing and her narrative never strays into sappy.

Though the film’s driving force is obtaining the money for Sage’s abortion her decision is never questioned, somewhat surprising for an American film. In fact the film overall is about liberalism but never preachy. Elle clearly lived through a progressive period of time, her poetry and art-centric background were once part of the counter-culture which is slowly being forgotten and disappearing. Sage represents the new, with access to the internet and other resources she is ignorant to the world around her. She knows little of the time her Grandmother lived through, and knows nothing of women’s history. When visiting her Grandmother’s acquaintances, a transgender tattoo artist (played by Orange Is The New Black’s Laverne Cox), a rather intimidating butch cafe owner and listening to Elle’s views on society it is made clear just how little Sage really knows about the world around her. But this progressiveness is not dominant, not shoe-horned in nor heavily-handedly forced upon us. Instead these culture contrasts are treated carefully and tenderly like its characters.

The film has an episodic narrative, with five chapter marked with title cards. Each chapter focuses on one of their visits to try and collect the $630. All of the chapters are exceptionally good but #4 titled ‘The Ogre’ is my personal standout. Elle brings Sage to visit Karl (Sam Elliott) who she has not seen in 39 years. The emotion generated by this scene is lump-in-your-throat-inducing. The pair bounce of each other as years of resentment come rising to the surface. Equally good is the emergence of the mother (Marcia Gay Harden) is manages to be worthy of the terror Elle and Sage feel towards her but still able to grab our sympathies.

A study in character and emotion unlike many of this year’s releases. A little film worthy of much acclaim.

Krampus

Posted on December 13, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

The gift that keeps on creeping…

Christmas is a time of festive cheer,

for singing loud for all to hear.

But what if good ol’ Saint Nick was nowhere near?

Instead Krampus came to fill you with terror and fear…

Max used to love Christmas. He used to love wrapping presents with his sister and parents whilst watching ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’. He used to somewhat enjoy when his extended family of aunt, uncle and four cousins made their annual visit from December 22nd to just after Christmas. But every year it’s gotten worse. His parents are growing apart, his sister spends all her time with her boyfriend and his cousins use him as a play toy to amuse themselves. Only his paternal grandmother Omi can see how his Christmas spirit is fading. When his extended family arrive once more the four adults, and surprise guest Aunt Dorothy, clash over the dinner table whilst his cousins brutally tease him for still believing in, then writing a letter to, Santa Claus. It’s the final straw for Max. He rips up the letter in anger and throws it out of the window. That’s when the storm starts, a snow storm like no other. Under the cloak of the blizzard Krampus and his villainous cronies start to arrive…No-one is safe.

What a pleasant surpise this film was! It’s far from perfect and the pacing of both the first and third act is slightly off, but overall this film is a superb antidote to the kind of movies that some of the little-known Sky channels have been showing since mid-September. It’s properly funny, has some jump-worthy moments and holds your attention for most of the 98 minute running time.

The story itself is deceptively clever. Though the myth of Krampus is centuries old it feels incredibly immediate and relevant. The film opens with a sequence that has become unsettling familiar in recent years – a supermarket opening it’s doors for pre-Christmas sales. The crowds rush in, rioting, pushing, shoving and shrieking in their quest for unnesscessay discounted purchases. The fact this is soundtracked with Perry Como’s ‘It’s being to look a lot like Christmas’ successfully exemplifies the increasing commercialism of Christmas. It sets a great tone for the upcoming penance that will have to be paid.

The characters who will soon endure Krampus’ house invasion are well pot rated. They are the right amount of unlikeable, each given just enough reason to warrant the inevitable onslaught but redeemable enough that you start to care what happens to them. The film doesn’t treat the adults any differently from the children – they have been just as naughty as their parents so need to be punished. As a secondary school teacher I can’t actaully say that Max’s two tween female cousins deserve to be punished, but I can say that I hope they learn from their mistakes.

Krampus’ and his squad, made up of evil-looking reindeer, scary elves, oh so creepy toys and hilariously horrific gingerbread men own this film. The portryal of the homicidal gingerbread men would be my standout favourite, their evilish giggles haunting the house and they haunt it’s residents. In fact they did somewhat remind me of Christmas horror-comedy classic ‘Gremlins’ which would make an excellent double movie feature with ‘Krampus’.

If you’re looking to briefly escape the festive season , or see and Old Testament-style backlash against it, or you just want a movie for laughs and a few scares, then this is well worth a watch.

Sunset Song

Posted on December 6, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

A sure-fire contender for top ten films of 2015 lists.

There are lots of sunsets. There are lots of songs. There is a huge amount of turmoil, heartbreak and devastation. There are also bitterly-short periods of joy, bookended by tragedy. This film is exquisite and truly haunting. An adaptation of of a 1932 Scottish novel of the same name, this is director Terence Davies project of passion after years passed struggling to get funding, struggling to get his film made. The passion truly shines through.

Aberdeenshire farm girl Chris Guthrie (Agyness Deyn) is the daughter of a housewife and a tyrannical father (Peter Mullan), and younger sister to a brother who is constantly beaten by their father. Her mother’s life is comprised of being raped and giving birth – she does not want the same for her daughter. Chris also does not want to be fated to live a life like her mother’s. Luckily Chris is exceptionally bright, the smartest girl at her school, and is one track to move away and train to be a teacher. When her mother falls pregnant, again, and gives birth to twins, again, the family move away to a bigger house. Once they arrive in their new home, a series of events occur which cause the family to crumble and fall away. Chris must endure so aching hardship but appears to find happiness with Ewan (Kevin Guthrie). This period of her life is shattered when war (World War One) is declared. Life for Chris and her fellow residents of Kinraddie will never be the same.

Considering the series of devastating events that is the life of Chris Guthrie Sunset Song never crosses the boundary into melodrama. Admirably, to great success, the film and its storytelling retain a muted stoicism. It’s bitterly sad and this effect is sharpened by its refraining to rely on exaggerated displays. Deyn in particular is extraordinary. Her Chris has a captivating innocence, an innate need to endure and stand firm when all around her are losing their heads (metaphorically speaking!) Tears roll and glide down her face, even at her most bereft she has no need for frantic or guttural moaning at the continuous losses she suffers. The film opens on a sweeping pan of the farm-land, from which Chris emerges. She is a child of the land, the love she feels for it is her only constant. Peter Mullan is excellent as her father who himself is torn between his apparent religious compass and his vices. His conflicted nature never used as an excuse for his behaviour but a reason as to why.

The cinematography is breathtakingly exquisite, treated with an almost religious adulation. The camera tracks and pans across the land almost as if it is character not setting. In many ways it is a character, playing a part in events and meaning so much to so many. The editing is crucial is creating this tone of melodic heartbreak. Those previously aware of Davies work will notice his fades, cross-dissolves and panning to mark the passing of time. Those who were not will marvel at how they are used for sublime effect. The brief intermittent use of song furthers the sense of haunting and trauma. Never is a full song uttered, merely snippets which the film and its characters cling onto, just as they are clinging on desperately to this way of life. For the sunset being referred to is the sunset of this particular time, this particular way of life, which is fated to end. For the war did not just kill people, but communities. The brutalising effect of war has repercussions both seen and concealed. It also does not discriminate in its path of destruction

A beautifully crafted film comprise of visual grace and emotional density. Truly remarkable.

The Good Dinosaur

Posted on December 6, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

‘Mummy, why is that lady sat over there crying so much?’

2015. The year Pixar granted us with two movies. After years and years of development hell The Good Dinosaur emerged in cinemas almost 4 months after Inside Out. The close to cinematic perfection that is Inside Out. With those two pressures alone the bar was set high – whilst The Good Dinosaur doesn’t get a place on the podium for best movies of 2015 it certainly deserves a rosette for good effort. The main idea is so Pixar in its originality, the central characters so endearing that it’s truly unfortunate how ill-served it is by the underdeveloped storyline. Yet, even with such a shallow storyline, the pathos is still being created. Which is why I was the ‘lady’ in the question above that was uttered by a small child sat near me in the cinema on Sunday. The question is, will children really understand how truly depressing much of the film is?

65 million years ago a meteor did not hit Earth. The dinosaurs were not made extinct. Two Apatosaurus farmers are watching in awe as their three eggs hatch. Their children are about to be born. There’s Libby, Buck and finally Arlo. As the three children grow up the differences between them quickly become apparent to their parents, specifically how different Arlo is two his older siblings. Libby and Buck swiftly adjust to life on the farm and perfect their chores, so much so that they are rewarded with a muddy foot-print on the family tree. Arlo does not. Arlo is shy and timid, terrified by most things including the chickens he has to feed everyday. Arlo’s father gives him some extra attention and finds him a purpose, to get rid off the pest that has been eating their food supply. They set a trap and Arlo waits in excited nervousness for the pest to be caught. When Arlo next checks the trap he find a feral cave-child. When Arlo finds himself unable to kill the pest his father rebukes him, and forces him to chase the pest through a ravine. On the way tragedy strikes and Arlo soon awakens to find himself far away from home and desperate to get back.

The majority of the film is of Arlo’s journey home. After slowly befriending the pest, even naming him Spot, the pair work together to get Arlo home. Their friendship is portrayed in such a beautiful way, so heart-warming and joyus. Both Arlo and Spot are really lovely characters who you find yourself truly rooting for and willing for their survival. This is the main success of the film and the main reason to stay engaged with it through its rather facile storyline. Arlo and Spot drift from one misadventure to next, meeting some ‘interesting’ characters and frequently running into danger. It’s at this point in the film when it becomes…strange. There’s a sequence which proceeds Arlo and Spot’s ingesting hallucinogenic berries that rivals that sequence in Dumbo. Other strange, occasionally wonderful, set pieces occur. Their joining up with a family of T-rex’s is wonderful. Thunderclap and the pterodactyls are not.

Overall, however, there is enough here to make it worthy of watching. It has the best of intentions, some gorgeous landscapes and two truly lovely leads. Their friendship is one of the studio’s best.

It’s not Pixar’s worst (Cars) or its best (Inside Out or Toy Story) but comfortably in-between.

Sanjay’s Super Team

The 7 minute short which precedes The Good Dinosaur is absolutely delightful and hopefully ground-breaking in terms of representation. Without dialogue, as most of the Pixar shorts are, we watch a young boy called Sanjay be torn between wanting to watch his cartoon (representing the modern world) and his father’s want for his son to pray with him (representing tradition). The film starts with a card stating ‘This is a (mostly) true story’ and it really comes across throughout. For Sanjay realises that the superhero’s adventures that he watches on tv share a lot with the stories of the Hindu gods. His mini-journey of discovery, attempting to align the two parts of his life, is fantastically done. The fact Pixar have made a film which diverts from their usual representation is crucial. Long may it continue!

The Lady In The Van

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

British Cinema at its finest

This film is so warm, kind-hearted and endearing. Whilst on the surface it looks to be a meek and mild comedy about a nutty old lady it is so much more than that. It’s full of witty observations about society – the lens is pointed firmly at liberals who have earned enough to become middle class yet feel a degree of guilt about their new-found wealth – and how we do/don’t look after each other. Maggie Smith as the eponymous ‘Lady’ is magnificent, bringing a richness and poignancy to a fiercely opinionated powerhouse of a figure. Should this be 80-year old Smith’s last leading role, it is one to be proud of. Her performance in this ‘Mostly True Story’ both perverse and profound in equal measure.

In the 1970s playwright Alan Bennett (Alex Jennings) moved into an affluent street in Camden. He swiftly became acquainted with his neighbours and the nomadic interloper Ms Shephard (Maggie Smith) known by many as the infamous ‘Ms Camden’. Ms Shepard, as Alan insists on calling her, lives in a van. The neighbours do not know why she lives in the van, or even who she is. Is she called Mary or Margret. What they do know is that she is homeless and prone to dictatorial ravings. Due to a mixture of guilt and territorial conviction they protest little (at least to her face) as she drives around and parks up where ever she fancies. However, after council and double yellow line interference, she can no longer continuing temporarily pitching up where she choses. Loathe to offer too much help to the cantankerous old woman Alan lets her use his drive temporarily to park her Van. 15 years pass, with an often-reluctant Alan slowly-forming a bond with Ms Shepard. As time passes and takes its toll on Ms Shepard Alan begins to learn of the past that continues to consume her.

This is the type of story that could only be true, it would be nigh-on impossible to create a character like Ms Shepard. The majority of her views were left in the dark ages and the way she treats those who try to help her is often despicable. And yet, when personified by Dame Maggie Smith, she is made almost loveable. Her hidden pain and turmoil often explaining some of her brusque character traits. Jennings is superb as her friend and foil, presenting the conflicted feelings Bennett himself had towards helping the formidable Shepard. The supporting cast are also extraordinary: Frances De La Tour, Jim Broadbent and Claire Foy to name just three, all bring various degrees of support to the grande dame of squalor that is Ms Shepard. The slow and tragic realization that Ms Shepard was more sinned against than a sinner is heart-breaking yet handled with such caution and care.

Considering the topic matter this film is ultimately uplifting, almost joyful in its exploration of what draws people to care and look out for one another.

Burnt

Posted on November 21, 2015 by Charlotte_Sometimes

A rather overcooked romantic dramedy

Does anyone these days aspire to be Gordon Ramsey? Do they wish to control a kitchen as their lair, spewing and spouting swearwords and insults as they prowl? Ramsey had his peak popularity in the mid-noughties, which is probably when this film was first placed on the boil. It then got forgotten about, rushed to be finished with all of its ingredients past sell their best before date.

Adam Jones (Bradley Cooper) is in New Orleans shucking oysters, noting down the amount as he does so. He hits one million, downs his tools and walks out despots protestations of his employer. Those million oysters were his penance for his past indiscretions, now complete he can have a second chance. He goes to London to reunite his crew, although there is much bad blood between them. Adam was a rock star chef in 90s Paris – renowned for his ability and persona. However Adam was also a drugs, alcohol and sex addict who managed to burn all of his bridges who was forced to flee Paris and go into hiding. He must be forgiven by his old friends and new (Sienna Miller’s Helene) to his dream of three Michelin stars.

The film’s main ingredient (when will the cooking puns end?!?) is Bradley Cooper. Considering the fact the film’s main plot is so outdated it is perhaps the only reason people will go to see the film. However his character is so unappealing and unsympathetic that you’ll feel had. His character’s closest real-life counterpart is Gordon Ramsey, swearing continuously and having frequent blow-ups about food, with every other character either swooning over his apparent but unproven genius or admonishing him for wasting said-genius. There is genuinely no reason to like his character, which is this film’s fatal flaw. As the narrative limbers from one ‘disaster’ to a next tension is supposedly created by our concern on how he will cope/survive. If we don’t like the character enduring the trials then we don’t really care. This isn’t helped by the lack of realism within these trials – he is hounded by drug lords for the money he owes them. These drug lords are immensely polite, turning up occasionally to speak to him away from other people, and only visiting once or twice to hound him for the large amount he owes them. We are meant to care about Cooper’s character – experience concern that he may not achieve his ambition for three Mitchelin stars. Instead we experience disinterest or distain for such an ass-hat of a character.

Sienna Miller however is gutsy, transforming herself into a tattooed, pierced and partly shaven-haired single mother sous chef. Her character is far appealing than Cooper’s. Yet she is forced to endure conversations with Cooper’s character of the nature of food and eating. These conversations are nauseating to watch, not because they are hunger-inducing but for the sheer pretentiousness of their proclamations. ‘We eat to stop eating.’ – That’s sooo deep! The rest of the friendship group are entertaining if one-note; the ex-prisoner, the novice, the daddy issues, the rival etc. The script is bland, drifting from one drama to another, and filled with stupid lines about how John Adams used to be an addict and how he hurt people when he was an addict. It’s all so ridiculous and bordering-on fluff.

If you’re seeing this for Bradley Cooper then don’t waste your time. If you’re seeing it for the food, just re-watch an episode of Hell’s Kitchen. An incredibly dated waste of a movie.