Mother’s Day

A smorgasbord of star-studded schmaltzy smug-ish sentiment.

Having not seen ‘Valentine’s Day’ (2010) nor ‘New Year’s Eve’ (2011) I knew of the infamy of director Garry Marshall‘s ensemble romantic comedies but I don’t think I was truly prepared for ‘Mother’s Day’. It took me about 1/4 of the film, roughly 30 mins, to realise that the only way I could endure (the only verb choice that really captures how I felt) the remaining 3/4 would be by turning off my settings for common-sense, logic and cynicism. As a result I found only the first section truly excruciating, the remainder only vaguely unpleasant. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a film so contrived or ridiculous. ‘Mother’s Day’ is essentially a feature film that is the personification of a money-free Hallmark card. Paper thin and totally empty.

Bradley (Jason Sudeikis) is a widow with two daughters; his wife was a marine who dies in combat. Sandy (Jennifer Aniston) is a divorcee with two sons. Her ex-husband Henry (Timothy Olyphant) has just married a twenty-something called Tina (Shay Mitchell). Sandy’s best friend is Jesse (Kate Hudson). Jesse is married to Russell (Aasif Mandvi), an Indian doctor; they have a young son together. They live next door to Jesse’s sister Gabi (Sarah Chalke) who is married to her lesbian partner Max (Cameron Esposito); Max has a son whom Gabi adopted. Jesse made a new friend at her mother & baby group, a young mum called  Kristin (Britt Robertson). Kristin is in a long-term relationship with Zach (Jack Whitehall) who is an amaterue comedian. Kristin won’t marry Zach until she meets the mother who gave her up for adoption, a legendary business-woman and workaholic called Miranda (Julia Roberts). 

That is genuinely the most contrived plot summary I have ever written in my 14 months of writing this blog. I intentionally included facts about race/sexuality/personality which often feel needless when I write about other films. The reasoning is simple – Mother’s Day makes such a big deal about being ‘inclusive’ and having a range of representation. But it doesn’t. Not really. Yes there is a lesbian couple, but we don’t actually get to know them. They merely serve as plot points for Jesse’s storyline about telling her seemingly racist mother that she married someone of another race. The majority of the film’s ‘jokes’ come from these exchanges, where her mother calls her new-found son-in-law a ‘towelhead’ amongst many others. It’s a huge misstep as the way it is treated and mined for laughs is in itself racist. The movie tries to be self-aware about racist and homophobic attitudes yet uses them in such a casually offensive manner.

Another recurring excruciating element of the film are Jack Whitehall’s stand-up sequences. They are painfully contrived, like most of ‘Mother’s Day’ in all fairness, but considering being a stand-up is Whitehall’s job it feels like an advanced skill that the film manages to get them so so wrong.

Then there’s Julia Roberts, rumoured to have been paid $4 million for three days worth of filming. The film uses an approach to show just how ‘big’ Miranda is by having her appear everywhere within the film, frequently using adverts and infomercials to showcase her omnipresence.  It’s a touch I quite like (sound the alarm!) if only the ads themselves had been infuriating. There are glimmers of Roberts’s talent here, certain looks she gives, that remind of just how talented she is. Unfortunately that is lost by her having to play a previously stereotyped ‘business-woman’. She has no personal life, only business. Therefore she is cold and treats practically everyone as if they are worthless. So glad to see we’ve progressed beyond that cliche!

It does hurt to say this, but I did quite like the performances and storylines involving both Aniston and Sudeikis. Whilst there was still a whole lot of ridiculousness, particularly with his female harem of friends which included seemingly the only black person in the whole of Atlanta (a larger lady who is loud and proud. Sigh.), it was during these storylines that showed the film had a tiny murmur of well-meaning intent.

Otherwise ‘Mother’s Day’ is devoid of charm and rather sickly. It’s an opportunity to see actors you have liked in other movies interact with each other in contrived scenes and only communicate with pseudo psycho-babble. It’s smug and begrudgingly acted. Avoid.

1 star

Bad Education Movie

A letter home…

Dear director/writers/parents/guardians of Bad Education,

I am writing to let you know how sincerely disappointed I am with the performance of Bad Education. In previous years, when Bad Education was smaller and before it made the transition from television to film, Bad Education was able to be intermittently funny, only slightly offensive and possessed reasonably good storytelling-skills. But on arrival onto the big screen Bad Education became lazy, laboured and lacklustre. It’s opening joke, set in the Anne Frank museum in the Netherlands with queue-jumping, magic mushrooms and the theft of a mannequin set up the tone for Bad Education’s stay. It established that now it had grown it size it had become louder and bolder, but this did not mean funnier. Instead it indicated an absence of humour and good writing, replaced instead with poor taste jokes strung together with a convoluted attempt at a storyline.

The remainder of Bad Education‘s 90 minutes (though it felt like much longer) of wannabe entertainment was filled with further moments of attempted humour – many of which had been seen already in the film trailer. Whilst many of these exploits were already in poor taste, they were made offensive by how unfunny they were.These include:

  • A class hamster being launched into the vagina of a students’s mother via a tennis ball launcher.
  • Jokes about migrants, ebola. mumsnet and incest.
  • A ‘pube or dare’ that resulted in the tea-bagging of a swan.
  • A recurring horrendous portrayal of Cornwall.
  • Frequent flashing of prosthetic recreations of a ball-sack.

All in all, this was not Bad Education‘s finest hour. My advice would to not let Bad Education rush it’s work, develop the structure of it’s writing and increase the amount of laughs. Or just…grow up.

Yours faithfully,

Charlotte Sometimes

P.S – I have no idea why Iain Glen (Ser Jorah from Game Of Thrones) was involved in this enterprise, but it was not his finest hour.