A burst of inspiration made me decide to write a dating profile that most accurately represents me. Enjoy! Applications will be considered and very much appreciated.

Vacancy available for wintertime crush turned romantic interest. Option is available for the role to be undertaken virtually, until an in-person option is possible.

The potential love interest (who, from hereon in, will be referred to as PLI) you are applying to date is 6ft, has red hair, wears primarily vintage clothing, works in a secondary school and is obsessed with all things pop culture – primarily, but not exclusively, books, tv, music and films.

Things you should know about PLI:

• Has a nifty ability to guess the song from just a few seconds of hearing, but also has an annoying habit of then announcing the name and artist to whomever they are with – even if that person has no interest in this information.
• Is a massive fan of puns. Particularly bad puns. Has decided to keep track of their top five for reasons unknown.
• Loves to Cross Stitch, has an impressive collection of crafting materials and constantly has all manner of them strewn about.
• Is rarely spotted without at least one book on their person.
• Is at their happiest in their natural habitat – cinemas and bookshops. However, PLI is also known to enjoy spending long nights at the pub with their nearest and dearest. The same applies for going to the theatre and comedy shows.
• Is drawn to finding and trying the weirdest snacks possible. Has an usual compulsion to try blue food where possible – again, there is little apparent reasoning for this.

Should your application be successful, please bear in mind the following things that PLI must avoid at all costs (in order of causing most peril to PLI):

• Wax Models
• Bananas
• Penicillin
• Spiders

Thank you for reading this job description and for considering applying for the role. PLI looks forward to hearing from you and commencing a love affair for the ages.