london

Adventure 3: Try out a new dating app and go on a date

Posted on by Charlotte_Sometimes

I have been in the trenches of London dating for 11 years. Like any good solider, I do tours of duty – heading onto the battlefield in full protective gear, trying out the apps and events and even trying to project ‘approach me vibes’ for this thing I’ve been told about called ‘approaching someone in person’. Every single tour has ended the same way, with me returning more wounded and jaded. Essentially I have become the dating equivalent of that trope of the world-weary colonel – sat in the corner, patched up and scratched up, endlessly smoking cigarettes as I relay how I’ve seen horrors you wouldn’t believe (yes, that is an Apocalypse Now reference, I’m cultured and classy like that). Sometimes I forget just why I keep trying, so I sit it out for a while, then something happens to give me hope to propel me back for another go. (It’s hope or madness, I’m undecided as of yet…)

It makes sense that at least one of my Project 52 adventures involves dating, and a new dating app at that feels like something of a novelty. Particularly one that does feel a bit different to the now-homogenous unholy trinity of Tinder, Bumble and Hinge. (I’m writing this part of the post pre-date, I’ll be fascinated to see if/how my tone changes in the post-date section)

Breeze proudly declares itself ‘is the dating app without a chat function’, a fact that is both true and compelling. Any frequent users of the aforementioned banes of my existence (‘the apps’ to be more polite) will have become bone-tired with the ‘talking stage’ that occurs. For the uninitiated, on most apps, once you have matched there will be a degree of talking before committing to a date. The ‘talking stage’ isn’t an automatic predecessor to a date, many matches will in fact not make it beyond an exchange of ‘Hey! How was your day?’ Then, if you eventually do decide that you both want to meet, we have the risk of not being able to meet for a while – which can result in a weird limbo as you try to maintain momentum and interest. It’s a danger zone of messaging and wasted time & energy that is rarely anything other than interminable.

With Breeze, you cannot message your date prior to a two hour window around the appointed time if your date – although there is the function to postpone/cancel your date if needed. It means I’m going into this date with no intel beyond the detailed bio. And my gods is that liberating! I’ve got some initial starting points for conversation courtesy of the bio, but the rest is there to be discovered. I’ve got no idea what T sounds like, his messaging style or tone – we are going into this date as literal strangers.

We matched on my first day using the app, when his profile came up at the 7pm drop of profiles that is another of the apps USPs. Every night at 7pm you will be shown a few profiles, usually no more than 10, for you to take your chance on. That’s it. No seemingly endless swiping of the apps, a few minutes consideration when you log on and then you’re done – which feels so much healthier than the hypermarket of seeming endless choice of the other apps. The match preferences aren’t hidden behind a paywall, unlike other apps, and you can also select a matching pool according to what you’re looking for – from the more casual to the more serious.

Another difference is that a ‘like’ here has more currency in that when you ‘like’ you’re also saying ‘yes, let’s go on a date’. If the other person feels the same about you, you pay a drinks token (£9.50 for 1, or £21 for 3) which is essentially a deposit for your date. It means your first drink when you arrive at the date venue is already paid for when you arrive, saving awkward conversations over who is getting first round – plus once you’ve finished that drink you could always use it as an easy ‘well that was nice, but I’m going to go now’ exit pass if needed.

When you’ve both ‘paid’ your drinks token, you’re then shown a calendar of upcoming dates and times. You tick and cross your availability, your date does the same, then the app picks your first point of mutual availability and your date is booked. You don’t message each other at all, aside from if you need to change/postpone/cancel your date when you’re given the option to send a singular message using their proforma. There’s also a chat window open from two hours before the date to five hours after, but this is encouraged to only be used for emergencies only. Otherwise that is it. No swapping emails, no socials, no chat. If you cancel a date, you’re frozen out of the app for a week. The intent behind that, and the drinks token deposit, seems to be that this app is taking dating seriously with no option for the ghosting and standing-up that happens on the other apps. And, should that happen in some way, or the behaviour on the date is bad, there are genuine consequences where you are frozen or even banned from the app.

24 hours before the date you are told where you are meeting your date. For my date with T we were assigned Apples & Bears, a bar on Brick Lane. And, for my first ever Breeze date, it was a really nice introduction to the process. In stark contrast to every other app date I’ve ever been on, we’d literally spend 5 minutes (if that) on admin prior to the date, which makes the date feel far lower stakes and removes so much expectation from proceedings. There was liberation in going into a date knowing what he looked like, some key facts and some entry points for conversation – the rest was for us to discover in person.

We stayed at Apples & Pears for a couple of drinks, then headed for a walk and moved onto Shuffleboard for a couple more rounds before calling it a night – it was a school night for both of us after all! At the end of the date we agreed we’d like to see each other again, deciding to swap numbers via the app as it was both convenient and gave me a chance to properly try out the app. Post-date you’re given the option to rate your date, the venue, the app and if you’d like to swap numbers – which we’ve now done. A nice and Breezey time was had and I’d be open to a second date.

Breeze genuinely does feel like a fresh alternative to the other apps. Whilst the current most popular dating app in the UK, Hinge, claims to be ‘the dating app designed to be deleted’ – for the last couple of years it feels like the only reason you’d actually delete it is because of despair rather than meeting the love of your life. Breeze, with it’s slightly more curated approach, could definitely be a way forward.

Culture Bites #2

Posted on by Charlotte_Sometimes

I’m back again. You’re back again. I love this for us! Here’s this week’s round-up of things I’ve seen, done and read – hope you enjoy. (Don’t be afraid of messaging and letting me know if you do like this new format, after months of being unable to write – I could do with the affirmation!)

Film: Better Man (Out in the UK December 26th)

When the director Michael Gracey (The Greatest Showman) heard Robbie Williams’ self-reflection about his career and how it felt like being ‘dragged up on stage to perform like a monkey’ – he knew the idea for his new project. And so we have a musical biopic like no other, where Robbie Williams (providing voiceover and vocals) tells us his life story, where he appears as a monkey. The brilliant thing is, that is never explained or addressed in the film. He has human family, human partners and does everything a human boy then man would do – he just happens to be a monkey. It’s simultaneously an exceptionally on-the-nose allegory and yet is oddly subtle, wonderfully entertaining, unexpectedly profound and at times immensely moving – a combination which sums up the man, myth, legend himself. Flying through it’s over two hour runtime, we learn about Robbie’s difficult relationship with his dad and how it shaped him – for better and way worse. We watch the multiple rises and falls, the glorious highs and bitterly dark lows; along with some vital reflection on addiction, mental health, masculinity and imposter syndrome. Williams is an open and honest tour guide to his past, unafraid to tell us his thoughts and admit his own mistakes. It’s closest comparison would be Elton John’s Rocketman, both films able to balance being exposing yet entertaining. Really cannot wait to see this again! [4.5/5 stars]

TV: Boybands Forever (3 x 60 mins docuseries on BBC iPlayer now)

A fantastic inadvertent companion piece to Better Man, as Robbie is one of the man talking heads who features, with episode one especially being about Take That and the struggles that went on under the surface. Covering the just-over a decade where boybands dominated the teenage hearts and music charts of the nation, we get to hear from the people who were at the centre of the madness – the ‘boys’ themselves, the music men responsible for the machinations of machine that curated them and the press who lauded and lambasted them. The result is a fascinating and extraordinarily insightful re-examining that shows both how far we have come as a society and also how, still, not nearly enough is being done to protect budding popstars from the shark-infested waters they get thrown in. [5/5 stars]

Gladiator II' Review: Ridley Scott's sequel with Superb Ensemble Cast

Film: Gladiator II (Out now)

It’s the obvious opener to this mini review, to rhetorically propose ‘are you not entertained’ by Gladiator II? The answer is, mostly entertained. Pretty much entertained. Does the job entertained. Running at 158 minutes, the film maintains interest at a steady pace – there are much shorter films that feel far longer. But, it’s not the kind of film you’ll be thinking about after, not like it’s iconic predecessor. That’s because it feels like it’s treading a lot of the same paths as it’s older sibling, but less potently. Considering the amount of deaths that occur, even within the film’s opening sequence alone, it’s surprisingly bloodless – until the odd surprise here and there. Instead of the powerhouse central lead that Russell Crowe provided, we’re split between the loyalties of two perfectly decent – if under characterised and slightly unremarkable – figures (Paul Mescal and Pedro Pascal). The entertainment, perhaps unsurprisingly, comes from our villains. Denzel Washington especially seems to be having a blast, hamming it up panto style as a plotting Iago-esque figure who steals every scene he’s in – no mean feat considering how clunky the majority of the dialogue is. Solid, if overly broody. [3.5/5 stars]

The People on Platform 5 — Clare Pooley

Book: The People on Platform 5 by Clare Pooley (Out now – currently 99p on Kindle!!!)

Stories about Found Families, and/or when an unlikely community have to come together to overcome difficult circumstances – those bad boys are my kryptonite. When the world feels bleaker, darker and scarier near-enough by the day, why wouldn’t you want to read a book where hope prevails in the fact of love & unswerving support? Having loved How To Age Disgracefully (in my top 5 releases of 2024) I was optimistic I’d like this one too, thankfully I was very right in that thinking. Short chapters, told from alternating character points-of-view, is ideal when coming out a reading slump – especially when the characters are this developed and delightful. We first meet Iona, an aging former IT girl who is clinging to her job as a magazine advice columnist. Every day she boards the 8.05 train to Waterloo, following the exact same routines, ascribing a nickname to her fellow commuters. When a near-death experience brings a group of them together, with Iona as the unexpected centre, they all come to realise that reality is often far more brilliant than the assumptions we might make. Delightfully life-affirming. [5/5 stars]

Film: Wicked (In cinemas worldwide now)

Am I intentionally burying this review at the bottom because I’m afraid it will cause a scandal? No comment. I acknowledge that this is a film that is both tailor-made for me (because I love musicals, all things camp, fantasy and gorgeous costumes) but also isn’t for me in the slightest (I have no real affection or connection to the story, I saw the stage show for the first and last time 8 years ago and thought it was perfectly fine). Aside from having Defying Gravity on my musical theatre running playlist, I don’t really know the soundtrack either. I did, however, go into the film open-minded if sceptical about the runtime. This 161 minute long film is part one of the story, which takes you up to the interval in the stage show. The stage show, in total, is 165 minutes long.

How wisely that additional amount of time is spend will depend on your overall affinity with the show, for fans this is undoubtedly an invaluable opportunity to spend even longer in this magical world you have adored from afar for so long. It certainly is immersive, the set design and costumes are beautiful. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo are fantastic leads, both performances have a real sense of nuance and characterisation, even if their press tour has been side-eye inducing to say the least. Jonathan Bailey is phenomenal as Fiyero, the man has so much charisma he could impregnate a wall just by looking at it. But, where I get unstuck is the story and some of the dialogue. Without the years of nostalgia, I found myself unable to truly get on board for this adventure. [3/5 stars]

Culture Bites #1

Posted on by Charlotte_Sometimes

Right. I’ve had the worst writer’s block I’ve ever had and it’s been several months I’ve written anything. As I’m writing it, I’m impressed I’m even managing to write this. This is my first blog post since May. Madness. So, after a very productive chat with my dad, I’ve come up with this hopeful antidote. Every week I see and do a lot of things, so instead of a big ol’ review for each – I’m going to try and do a weekly recap my adventures through mini reviews. Hopefully they’ll be useful to you, beloved and generous and patient readers, as well as a way of me being able to build up my writing muscles again (like the literary variant of couch to 5k!) So, here we go, welcome to Culture Bites #1.

Film: Paddington in Peru (Out now)

It feels wrong to write the words ‘Paddington’ and ‘perfectly fine’ in the same sentence, and yet… The third in the series, and the first not directed by Paul King, Paddington in Peru follows the British sitcom tradition of packing off the central ensemble to a foreign country for an adventure – in this case, trying to find Paddington’s beloved Aunt Lucy who has gone missing in the Peruvian jungle. There’s some nice moments, and we get to see the characters we love doing the things we love about them (aside from Mrs Brown now looking like Emily Mortimer rather than Sally Hawkins). But those central comedic moments (the escalator, the toothbrushing, barbers, Knuckles – to name but a few) just aren’t there. Whilst the jungle adventure is entertaining, it doesn’t provide the joy or laughter that we get from the community of Windsor Gardens. It’s not Paddington 2, but then, really, few things are. [3.5/5 stars]

Film: Conclave (Out November 29th)

Sometimes you just want to watch actors act their socks off. Ralph Fiennes. Stanley Tucci. John Lithgow. All three provide exceptional performances in this drama set during a papal conclave to elect the next pope, Fiennes is the man in charge – overseeing proceedings whilst also investigating the secrets and scandals that surround the candidates. The cinematic equivalent of sitting in a comfy leather tub chair, with a whisky on the rocks in one hand and a cigar in the other, a well-crafted drama with thriller and mystery elements. Entertaining, suspenseful and thought-provoking. [4/5 stars]

Book: So Thrilled For You by Holly Bourne (Out January 16th 2025)

Few authors write millennial women as beliveably and authentically as Holly Bourne. So Thrilled For You is no exceptional, alternating between the viewpoints of four very different women. Friends since university, nearly a decade on they are growing apart for a multitude of reasons – a prevailing one being how women in their 30s become judged then defined by their decisions over motherhood (to have or not, the choices made over birth and childrearing, or what if having them can’t happen for reasons beyond their control). An essential read to encourage and build empathy when we oft are oblivious to so many of these issues if we don’t directly experience them. A powerful and bittersweet wonder of a book. [5/5 stars]

Theatre: Dr Strangelove (Running until January 25th 2025)

To quote Dr Ian Malcolm in Jurassic Park, ‘Just because we could doesn’t mean we should.’ With Stanley Kubrick’s Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb having existed since 1964, did we really need a stage show version of it? Having seen it, the answer is – sort of, not really? Directed by Armando Iannucci, there really isn’t all that much here that is different to the film version. If anything, considering it’s an Iannucci vehicle, you’d expect the dialogue to be even crisper than what we actually get. And, considering all that is going on in the world right now, simply recreating the film goes to show just how timeless the film is and how stupid humanity is for seemingly using it as a handbook rather than a lesson. The USP of seeing this adaptation is Steve Coogan’s performance as 4 separate roles, à la Peter Sellers in the film. They’re strong performances, each character distinctive and well directed to allow for these multiple simultaneous appearances. Whilst there’s style and flair, it all feels a bit safe and reliant on star power. [4/5 stars]

TV: Say Nothing (Out now, on Disney+)

Disney+ continue to be making a name for themselves with some stellar tv. After last month’s sweet and saucy Rivals, we’ve got this exceptional and provocative drama. A 9-episode series, based on the 2019 book ‘Say Nothing: A True Story of Murder and Memory in Northern Ireland’, we learn about the lives of a group of people growing up in Belfast in the 1970s-90s – courtesy of a frame narrative of interviews that were conducted by Boston College Tapes, also known as the Belfast Project, were recordings of former IRA members discussing their involvement in the Troubles. The result is a compelling drama that features representation of the Troubles that we have never seen before; a powerful rumination on the reckoning of conflict trauma. Lola Petticrew and Hazel Doupe are extraordinary as the radicalised teen girls at the centre, as is Anthony Boyle (one of the breakout stars of Apple’s Masters of The Air) and Rory Kinnear continues to be one of the finest additions you can get to a show (if you’ve not seen The Diplomat, rectify that immediately!!!). This isn’t just a much-needed history lesson, this a revealing and exposing examination of an under-assessed part of recent history.

[5/5 stars]

(YAY! I’ve written something! My first something in MONTHS! If you made it this far, liked what you read and would like me to do more, please message me and let me know!)

Singledom bites at 6.48pm on a Saturday

Posted on by Charlotte_Sometimes

On average, I feel most single at 6.48pm on a Saturday. Oddly specific, but as today’s 6.48pm on a Saturday reminded me, totally accurate.

I’m writing this part of this post whilst on the leaning section of the tube. You know the bit, by the doors. But on the side where the doors won’t open, at least on this leg of the journey. Jubilee Line at Green Park if you want me to continue the theme of oddly specific details. I had my spot all sorted, head deep in a book when, on either side of me a couple (both male/female) took up residence. In both instances with little interest or awareness that they had ended up being incredibly close to me and were in fact intruding on my personal space. The person they were with was their world, all that matters is that their person was safe and comfortable. 

Both assumed the position heterosexual couples subconsciously seem to find themselves in these situations. Her tucked up against the plastic divider, he the warrior defending her. He helping her stand in case she falls, two world-weary people leaning on each other, safe in the knowledge that no matter what happens – they’ve got each other. No matter the scenario that arises in this journey, they have a partner to accompany them as they face it.

I know full well this is an idealised view. Any number of things could have happened in their day and could await them after this journey. The arguments, fights and betrayals that could await them. But, from the outside anyway, they look sedate. Safe. At peace. Found.

That’s when I feel the pang, that want for what they have – or what it looks like they have. 

I’m journeying home from a fantastic day with my best friend. We saw a superb comedy show, having a taste of normality in amongst the chaos of the last 18 months. I’m going back to my awesome housemate. I might even watch the football. You never know, we may even win it.

But right now, all I can feel is this pang that defies all logic. I’m 6 weeks away from my 29th birthday and I have never experienced what these couples have right now. I’ve never had someone to lean on like that, with this degree of intimate certainty. And this pang is reverberating in my bones – rattling and ricocheting along until, as hyperbolic as it sounds, it makes my eyes water.

I don’t need what they have. I’ve never had it, and I’ve made do without it for this long. I also literally don’t need it. At 6ft tall and built like a Viking – I don’t need someone to bodyguard me on the tube. Statistically speaking, when it comes to average heights and builds of a man in the UK, there’s very few who’d literally be able to achieve this physically so I rarely entertain the notion of it ever happening in the way these couples are curled into each other right now..!

But I want it. And I feel like I’m meant to feel embarrassed about admitting this to you, whoever you wonderful people are who read my ramblings. But I’m not.

The only way to keep navigating the hellhole that is dating is to maintain hope. Like with anything in life, we hope that things happen for a reason – that our lives are structured in a certain way, with certain things happening (or not happening) at certain times, for a certain purpose. One which we may never understand, but the fortuitous fruits of which we will always appreciate.

One of my maaaany self-deprecating jokes when someone – usually a very comfortably coupled someone – asks after my non-existent love life is to respond ‘Well, you know what – I’m starting to think maybe the factory shut for the day after making me and they forgot to make my partner!’ It’s self-defence 101, cloaking a genuine and innate fear with a half-hearted laugh and an accompanying good-humoured slap on the table. Desperately concealing the depleting quantity of hope retained in my body, which seems to face surge charge deductions at 6.48pm on a Saturday.

But, as I wearily look ahead to the speed dating event I’m going to on Tuesday, if I want to find my tube buddy – I need to keep trying and keep that hope going. I need to innately rely on the universe revealing my person and their having a reason for having kept me waiting for so long.

And, on one Saturday in the future, it’ll be 6.48pm and I’ll know it was all worth it.